The mothers they need – this is motherhood

This is motherhood. This life, that is hard and exhausting and full of tears. This is it… I keep thinking. And then it changes.

Because that’s the thing.

It keeps shifting on me, the lines keep wavering, the definitions keep being re-written, the things I know keep moving.

This is motherhood at the start: It’s a shock and you are stunned by life suddenly becoming like nothing you could have prepared for. You have the smallest baby in your arms, and you have no idea what to do, except to hold him to you and hope with every inch of your being that you don’t mess things up. You look at him in the middle of the night and you know you will never quite fully believe you made him.

And next week and the one after, you walk the floors at night and your baby keeps crying and you struggle to get his clothes off and you hate going to coffee group and making small talk and you just need to sleep goddammit…. for months – this is motherhood.

Then it changes after a while and you don’t even realise. Life is full of playdates and baby swim classes and and you can’t go out between 9.30am and 11am because of nap time and you never get anything done because every moment is spent with your baby. Or cooking their meals or something that means you just have no time. You’re not sure who you are anymore, or what you might do when you need to think about going back to work but for now this is motherhood.

And then there is the guilt of work and leaving them all day and even when you get home you’re distracted when you get an email notification on your phone. There’s the days you wish weren’t so long at work, the days at home where you overcompensate for not being there all week, the days where you cry on the tube because you just want to be with them.

There’s the days when you ask a million times for her to put her wellies on but she wont listen and there’s the days when you’ve had it with repeating yourself all day but what can you do and the days when you might as well thrown their meals straight in the bin. These are the days when the frustration boils up in you and you’ve nowhere to turn but then you give them a bath at the end of the day and they are the best, most placid children ever and you wonder if really the are yours.

Then they go to school and need you less and you miss them and they don’t cry any more in the mornings when you go, and you get up at 5.30am just so you can make their packed lunches, apart from on the days when you forget and give them pre-packaged snacks and hope their teachers don’t judge you. This is it.

Motherhood. Every day, imperceptibly, it changes. Because they grow and you grow. They teach you and you teach them. So every minute is different. And new things feel harder than they should. And you think you’ve cracked it and then you realise you have no idea.

This is motherhood. It’s different every day. It’s frustrating when they still won’t put their coats on after you’ve asked them a hundred times and joyous when they throw their arms around your neck, really, like in a fairy tale.

This is motherhood. Hard and impossible and unbearably beautiful. We won’t ever crack it. But just as they’ll keep growing, we’ll keep learning.  We;ll hold them to us and know there is no other way, because as they get bigger, so too we will become the mothers they need. This is motherhood.


20 Comments on The mothers they need – this is motherhood

  1. Sarah MumofThree World
    January 12, 2015 at 5:57 pm (3 years ago)

    So true. It’s constantly shifting and changing, almost imperceptibly and then you look back a year or two and realise how much it has changed. It doesn’t exactly get easier, but it definitely keeps changing.

  2. Katie
    January 12, 2015 at 7:42 pm (3 years ago)

    You have it nailed. I’m always swapping one challenge for another, never easier just different. A job so big and so important could never be easy though right?! 😉 x

  3. Not A Frumpy Mum
    January 12, 2015 at 8:42 pm (3 years ago)

    Such a great post, motherhood is constantly changing and you can never pin point exactly when those changes happen, they just do and everything you thought you had your head round goes out the window as you have to learn the new rules. Never easier, just different. xx

  4. Louise
    January 13, 2015 at 2:45 pm (3 years ago)

    Beautiful post. So very true that motherhood is so constantly shifting and changing and just when you think you have it sussed, it changes again.

  5. Seychellesmama
    January 14, 2015 at 7:21 am (3 years ago)

    This is so wonderful, so true!! I think without those tough challenging times, those wonderful moments wouldn’t seem quite so wonderful, we have to earn them first 🙂

  6. Steph @MisplacedBrit
    January 14, 2015 at 7:40 am (3 years ago)

    Beautiful TRUE wonderful frustrating, bursting with love post <3

  7. Reneé @ Mummy Tries
    January 14, 2015 at 8:08 am (3 years ago)

    Parenting will never be easy, and as you said the second you think you’ve got it sussed a new challenge will arise. Becoming the mother’s our children need is the best thing we can possibly do. There is no right way or wrong way to parent, we just have to find what works for our family and be happy with the decisions we are making. Great post as always lovely xxx

  8. Potty Mouthed Mummy
    January 14, 2015 at 10:17 am (3 years ago)

    This is so lovely and true and made me a little emotional now. Beautiful writing lovely xx

  9. The Reading Residence
    January 14, 2015 at 10:43 am (3 years ago)

    This is so true, Kiran. Every time I feel I know what I’m doing, things change. Being a school mum now, feels so different to having two little ones at home. Not better or worse, just different. But yes, always beautiful x

  10. Zena's Suitcase
    January 14, 2015 at 11:09 am (3 years ago)

    The goal posts definitely keep moving. You capture the challenges of motherhood so well. For something that is meant to come so natural, I haven’t got a clue what I’m doing half the time Zx #sharewithme

  11. Suzanne
    January 14, 2015 at 11:22 am (3 years ago)

    Goodness how I agree with your words and more than ever now that mine are growing. Motherhood has changed beyond recognition and being someone who is great with change, it’s been hard. But I’ve learnt that it’s about adjusting and evolving over time….and motherhood allows you that. Lovely post Kiran, so beautifully written x

  12. Louise @ Birds and Lilies
    January 14, 2015 at 12:23 pm (3 years ago)

    I love this. It is so so true; it’s always changing and never easy but it’s so worth it xx #sharewithme

  13. Katie / Pouting In Heels
    January 14, 2015 at 12:37 pm (3 years ago)

    A belter of a post. Bravo beautiful. Bravo. As always your writing blows me away xxx

  14. Robin
    January 14, 2015 at 4:50 pm (3 years ago)

    Beautifully explained! Thanks for sharing this!

  15. jenny
    January 14, 2015 at 8:22 pm (3 years ago)

    So perfectly written Kiran. I feel like this day in and day out. It truly is motherhood isn’t it? Never ending learning process. You write so beautifully. Thanks for linking up to Share With Me. Sorry if you had any trouble commenting on my site today as the host is being transferred there are a few glitches to fix. Apologies. #sharewithme

  16. Jess Paterson
    January 14, 2015 at 9:25 pm (3 years ago)

    Lovely post, Kiran, you put so well the constantly changing nature of this journey we are on. x

  17. Heledd
    January 15, 2015 at 12:14 am (3 years ago)

    Motherhood – hardest job in the world, fact!
    Motherhood – most rewarding job in the world, fact!
    But anyone can do it, no qualifications necessary – it’ll give you the best of times and the worst of times and it definitely will change you.

    Love this Kiran xxx

  18. Merlinda (@pixiedusk)
    January 15, 2015 at 11:56 am (3 years ago)

    Just when you are starting to adjust to it and then BOOM! change will suddenly come like a thief in the night. #sharewithme

  19. ghostwritermummy
    January 15, 2015 at 5:33 pm (3 years ago)

    And just as motherhood changes, we change to adapt too. Beautiful post x x x

  20. HonestMum
    January 22, 2015 at 11:32 am (3 years ago)

    Such a touching post and you’ve so eloquently shared what we all truly feel-the tough with the incredible, the bitter with the sweet- it’s such a fast-moving journey we are all taking together, and I know like you, I feel so privileged, if not tired to be on it. So glad I found this from Jenny’s fab linky #sharewithme, hate to miss any of your great posts, much love xx


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